Teen Communication: One Simple Question

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned with teens. Is that timing is everything. Read that last sentence again.

And it’s our job. As emotionally regulated (most of the time) parents. To read the temperature of a room. And if we can’t get a good gauge. To ask one simple question when we want to talk:

“Is this a good time to talk?”

Asking this one simple question. Will save a lot of heartache. For everyone involved. Because we can’t assume. That just because WE want to talk. That it will be a time when THEY’RE ready to listen.

Now this isn’t to say. That they’re off the hook if it’s not a good time at the moment. Because mutual respect means that the natural follow up to this question. Is to let you know when it WILL BE a good time for them.

And the best part about this system. Is that when that time comes. They have an opportunity. To already be in an emotionally regulated space themselves. So that the conversation can start in a healthy place. And stay in a healthy place.

One other benefit to this system. Is that it works both ways. It shows our teens. That if they have something important to discuss. They need to see if we have the mental bandwith to have a conversation as well. By offering us the same courtesy.

And let’s be honest. It’s a rare occasion when any conversation, either way. Is an actual emergency.

It requires all parties involved. To take a moment to THINK. Before speaking. To consider nuance. Before rushing. To offer respect. Knowing you’ll receive it in return.

AND—we are helping them learn good communication habits. They can carry into future relationships with partners, friends, co workers, bosses, in-laws…anyone they choose.

Pals, our teens are desperate to be heard. And I know that we feel that same desperation at times. So using this simple question for discernment. Can only lead to better listening and responding. Because we all want the same thing. To be seen and known and valued.

And all of that. Starts with good timing.